All I Do Is Wonder… (Part I)
These days, all I do is wonder. Yesterday I wondered about today. Today I wonder about tomorrow. I wonder what the future will bring. What will post-COVID life look like? Will there even be a post-COVID life or must we accept COVID as our new normal?
I woke up this morning wondering about the rules. What’s changed about what I can and cannot do today? May I go out to dinner? May I visit with a friend, in person over coffee? May I visit a library? Where are masks mandatory? Will they be part of our lives forever, now?
I’ve never known a Canada so divided. Each province is judged by their COVID numbers. One province vilifies another. The news is that hate incidents targeting Vancouver’s Asians are up. I wonder how much more divided we will become.
Women are behind men in recovering jobs lost during the shutdown of businesses. Childcare is less readily available at this time. Many children are schooling at home. Mom-guilt around trying to do it all is taxing the energy and stress levels of career women who are uncertain if and when they can restore balance to their lives. I wonder if COVID might exacerbate the inequality of the sexes.
I wonder if I can stay optimistic about my children’s future. Our national debt is over 1 Trillion dollars. I looked it up. That’s a 1 with 12 zeros! How will the government plan to service this debt? Will the kids ever experience the good times The Consultant and I did as young adults? Will they continue to have the freedom we’ve enjoyed?
When will I see my sister again? I wonder when our border with the U.S will reopen to non-essential travel.
When will Canadians see a vaccine? Is a vaccine really the cure-all we’re looking for? I wonder.
Looking toward the future is like looking into a fog. My hopes and dreams are suspended somewhere within it. I wonder what will emerge out of that fog. When will it feel possible to make plans again?
For now, I continue to wonder. How about you? What are you wondering about these days? As always, feel free to share your thoughts.
Note – A previous version of All I Do Is Wonder was previously published on Life Legacies.
Kathi
As a mother of two grown children, I have transitioned through the empty nest and am embracing this amazing and yet, sometimes confusing stage of life. My desire is to write my way through whatever comes my way and should my thoughts resonate, I'd love to hear from you.
8 Comments
Dottie
“Looking toward the future is like looking into a fog.” Exactly! You described it perfectly. We can’t see what is ahead, so I am trying to just keep my eyes on today. It’s all we really have anyway. In some ways it relieves a burden; I don’t have to make a plan. I can just enjoy what I have now. Maybe that’s simplistic, but simple seems very appealing right now. I am optimistic, though, that there will be an end to the chaos. I don’t mean the virus; it may be with us for a long retime, but I think we’ll learn to manage it. I hope so anyway.
Kathi
Thanks for connecting, Dottie. I love you point that not being able relieves a burden. In my case it seem to have simplified the process, at least. It has also brought me more to the present and increased my focus on gratitude. Learning to manage the virus might be the best case scenario. Onward! xoxo
Jan
Reading your post, helped me feel connected to our world in a way watching the news which has become so miserable and UK focussed does not.
My husband is a paramedic and developed Covid Pneumonia back in March. He was in ICU and nearly died. It was a horrendous experience for all of us, yet in my heart of hearts I honestly believe ‘this too shall pass’.
They begin the vaccine process in our country next week and already my husband completes antigen tests twice a week. Quick and easy. If nothing else these help make catching this info quicker. It’s hard but we will get there. So lovely though to hear your wondering Kath!
Kathi
So nice to hear from you Jan! I have thought of you so often over the last couple of years and wondered about you, your family and your dreams. I’m so glad that your husband is doing well now. What a stressful time for all of you! We’ll be watching your country closely to see how things go with the vaccine. With your husband being on the front lines, will he be one of the first receive it? We are quite a way behind many other countries. I agree with you – this too will pass. I just wish it would pass more quickly. 😉
Coly
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Kathi. Beautifully written
Kathi
Thank you, Coly. Thinking of you! xo
Karen Oliver
Thanks Kathi, your post is as always very timely. I find myself reaching out to friends and family via zoom, online , phone etc., then completely retreating. Sometimes a break is needed and this gives us an opportunity to create one. Even commenting on your post seemed to be after a withdrawal time. Is it slight depression or a choice made, interesting times for all of us? Gratitude leads how I think and what I do, maybe that is my lesson. Being a creative being, I have the luxury of expressing myself.
Take care of yourself and those important to you AND keep writing!
Karen
Kathi
Hi Karen, Yes, technology has been an amazing tool for connecting during this time but, it just isn’t the same real life visits, is it? I’m like you, finding a nice balance between reaching out and coming back in to myself. I am enjoying any time freed up time for writing and creative exploration. I’m glad to see the progress you’re making with your painting, your website and presenting your art to the world. I think in many ways, COVID has offered us the gift of self-reflection. We keep learning! Hugs to you.