Who, in their right mind, burns their diaries?
I did. I sat out in the back yard and set a match to every page of two diaries and watched as ticket stubs, photos of my best friends and memories of day-to-day life went up in flames. In a few moments, all written evidence of a young girl’s life were lost and gone forever. I can’t imagine what I was thinking.
Intellectually, I understand that I was not in my right mind. Scientists discovered teen brain grey matter changes well into the early 20’s. Now, we know enough to forgive teens for any irrational or risky behaviour. I know enough to forgive myself.
I had spent hours filling up those journals. Every night before bed, propped up by my pillow, I wrote until my internal well was dry – pages and pages of what it was like to live in my world, reduced to charred remains.
Today, I can only imagine the juicy details and dramatic reactions that were my reality back then. But I know, within those pages, I would have found the record of a tender, budding soul.
In those pages, I’d find a young girl who wanted to be liked, to fit in with a crowd of friends and have fun. I’d find a girl whose passion was negatively affected by one person’s opinion, a girl who gave up too easily. She was a girl who was afraid to take on new experiences in case they didn’t turn out perfectly.
I wish I still had the supporting evidence of that young girl’s life. But, I still know her. She walks with me everyday and grows along with me.
With today’s perspective, here’s what I’d tell that young girl.
- Do not let Mr. High School English Teacher, take away your passion with one unsupported comment. His is just one opinion in this very big world. Always, get another opinion.
- Go find your people – those who inspire you to raise your game and help you feel good in your own skin. Talk to the people in your life who truly know your personality, your loves, and your vulnerabilities. See what advice your supporters have for you.
- “To hell with naysayers,” I’d say. “If you want something badly enough, you can achieve it!” Go find your passion’s biggest supporter and call her your mentor. Put her at the top of your contact list to call when you need advice or encouragement.
- Exhaust all possibility that your pursuit is not for you before you give it up. If you love what you’re doing but don’t love the lessons, find a new teacher – someone who teaches because they love to see a student’s face light up when they “get” it, someone who shares your passion.
- And, if you do decide to give up, remember that all experiences matter. Take the lessons you’ve gathered along the way and build on them. Apply them to your next big thing.
- Know the values that drive your decisions and stick with them, no apologies to anyone, especially yourself.
- To the frightened introverted girl, afraid to say “no”, I’d say, “No is the word of healthy boundaries. Is your comfort worth trading for someone else’s?”
- But then there is “yes”. “Yes” is the answer. “Yes, I will experience life.” Say yes to everything that moves you toward your dream. Experience everything you possibly can. It’s through doing we grow in strength and confidence. You have a big life ahead of you. Don’t let it scare you. Step out in the world independently and go live your great story.
Yes and no. Two powerful little words. Know when to use them.
Just a few thoughts to consider – find your supporters, take your lessons, know your values and live. That’s what I’d say.
What would you say to her? What would you say to your teenage self?